three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
