I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
