...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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