i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
