I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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