I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found the puke drawer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
