She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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