im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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