he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
