Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
