tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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