If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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