Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize