I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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