We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I FOUND THE LEGS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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