my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
