Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
