drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
