you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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