i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
