She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
