First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
