oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
