U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
