She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
