don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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