we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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