My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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