Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
