I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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