In the future we'll all be gay
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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