Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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