the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
