i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
