I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drake has all the answers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
