Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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