Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
