u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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