My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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