38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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