I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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