I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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