I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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