I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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