Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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