Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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