no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
