Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
