I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We got so high we made milksteak
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
