You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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