I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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