I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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