I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
