I'm going to jail i love you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
accomplished twins. life is a go
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
