I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
