I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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