Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
