I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
