The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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