this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
