I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
