so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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