marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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