Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
