I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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