it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
