I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"