Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon