I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.