Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am spending my child support on dildos
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.