Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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