so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do herpes really smell.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties