No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
