you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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