The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I smell stomach acid.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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