I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
