im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
