did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
