Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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